Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
