Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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