tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
