I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
