some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
