I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
