So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I could make wine with my vomit
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
