I want you more than these girls want KFC
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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