Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
