if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am naked and annoyed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
