it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
