So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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