Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am available for nakedness
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
