we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
