When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
