I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
