Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
