So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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