you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
