Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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