Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We need a shit load of segways right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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