I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize