Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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