what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
