Just cropdusted the office
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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