so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
