Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
