Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
