like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize