worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
