I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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