Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
