Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
