i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
