Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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