dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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