just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
