I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
