good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think my mom watched the whole time
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Text me some of your sweat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
