pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
BRING THE BAGELS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bring me that man meat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
