i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
