The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
