There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
