I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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