he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
