I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
