ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone came in the potted fern
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
