On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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