Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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