you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
