its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
