break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
