spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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