He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I touched a dick in church today
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