hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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