Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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