Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
