you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
