GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize