Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize