exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
