Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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