Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
