Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
