The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
