Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
