AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
