I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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