I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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