My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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