I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
