God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
