don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
