you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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