Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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