Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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