i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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